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Wolf targeted everything from #MeToo to Harvey Weinstein, Mike Pence, Ivanka Trump, Russia, Democrats, Republicans, the media and especially Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
Former "Daily Show" correspondent Michelle Wolf spoke for just around 20 minutes at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner on Saturday night, and she may have broken both Washington, DC and the media.
The comedian left no stone unturned and no target unsinged in a scathing monologue that dominated social media well into Sunday. Six of the top ten trending topics on Twitter on Sunday morning were in relation to Wolf’s controversial appearance, including her name and Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ name twice!
Sanders, who was in attendance and just a few feet away from Wolf, was hit several times by some of Wolf’s sharpest barbs.
The comedian also took shots at several other members of President Trump’s team, including his vice president and daughter, but saved plenty of haterade for the media, both political parties and the overall political divide in the country.
You can watch Michelle Wolf’s full monologue here, followed by her sickest burns below.
Of course Trump isn’t here. . . I would drag him here myself, but it turns out the president of the United States is the one pussy you’re not allowed to grab.
I could call Trump a racist or a misogynist or xenophobic, or unstable, or incompetent, or impotent. But he’s heard all of those before and he doesn’t care. So tonight, I’m gonna try to make fun of the president in a new way. In a way that I think will really get him. Mr. President: I don’t think you’re very rich. Like, I think you’re rich in Idaho, but in New York, you’re doing fine.
- He’s so poor "he has to fly failed business class."
- He’s so poor he "looked for foreign oil in Don Jr.’s hair."
- He’s so poor that "Southwest used him as one of their engines."
- He’s so poor that "he had to borrow money from the Russians, and now he’s compromised and susceptible to blackmail and possibly responsible for the collapse of the republic."
Trump is racist, though. He loves white nationalists, which is a weird term for a Nazi. Calling a Nazi a ‘white nationalist’ is like calling a pedophile a ‘kid friend,’ or Harvey Weinstein a ‘ladies man,’ which isn’t really fair – he also likes plants.
He thinks abortion is murder, which, first of all, don’t knock it ’til you try it–and when you do try it, really knock it. You know, you’ve got to get that baby out of there. And yeah, sure, you can groan all you want. I know a lot of you are very anti-abortion. You know, unless it’s the one you got for your secret mistress.
Mike Pence is what happens when Anderson Cooper isn’t gay.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders
I loved you as Aunt Lydia in "The Handmaid’s Tale." Mike Pence, if you haven’t seen it, you would love it.
I’m never really sure what to call Sarah Huckabee Sanders. You know? Is it Sarah Sanders, is it Sarah Huckabee Sanders, is it Auntie Huckabee Sanders? What’s ‘Uncle Tom,’ but for white women who disappoint other white women?
I actually really like Sarah. I think she’s very resourceful. She burns facts and then she uses that ash to create a perfect smokey eye.
She was supposed to be an advocate for women, but it turns out she’s about as helpful to women as an empty box of tampons. She’s done nothing to satisfy women–so, I guess, like father like daughter.
She does clean up nice. She’s the Diaper Genie of the administration. On the outside it looks sleek, but on the inside it’s full of shit.
I know there’s a lot of people who want me to talk about Russia and Putin and collusion, but I’m not gonna do that–because there’s a lot of liberal media here and I’ve never wanted to know what any of you look like when you orgasm.
It is kind of crazy the Trump campaign was in contact with Russia when the Hillary campaign wasn’t even in contact with Michigan.
Democrats are harder to make fun of because you guys don’t do anything. People think you might flip the House and Senate this November, but you guys always find a way to mess it up.
You’re somehow going to lose by 12 points to a guy named "Jeff Pedophile Nazi Doctor." "Oh, he’s a doctor?"
It’s probably the reason I’m here. They were like, "A woman’s probably not going to jerk off in front of anyone, right?" And to that I say, "Don’t count your chickens."
It’s 2018, and I’m a woman so you can not shut me up. Unless you have Michael Cohen wire me $130,000. Michael, you can find me on Venmo under my porn star name Reince Priebus,
Al Franken was ousted. That one really hurt liberals. But I believe it was the great Ted Kennedy who said, "Wow! That’s crazy! I murdered a woman." "Chappaquiddick," in theaters now.
You guys are obsessed with Trump. Did you used to date him? Because you pretend like you hate him, but I think you love him. You helped create this monster, and now you’re profiting off of him. And if you’re going to profit off of Trump, you should at least give him some money, because he doesn’t have any.
You guys love breaking news, and you did it, you broke it! Good work! The most useful information on CNN is when Anthony Bourdain tells me where to eat noodles.
Megyn Kelly got paid $23 million by NBC, then NBC didn’t let Megyn go to the Winter Olympics. Why not? She’s so white, cold, and expensive, she might as well be the Winter Olympics.
People are saying America is more divided than ever, but I think no matter what you support politically, we can all agree that this is a great time for craft stores. Because of all the protests, poster board has been flying off the shelves faster than Robert Mueller can say, ‘You’ve been subpoenaed. And thanks to Trump, pink yarn sales are through the roof.
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