Vegan bodega butchers NYC’s meaty classics

Vodega in DUMBO tries to replicate “classic” Big Apple bodega dishes using all-vegan ingredients — but the spurious sandwiches and sides wouldn’t fool a dead bodega cat.

In the name of “bringing the natural world to your neighborhood,” it substitutes palate thrillers such as jackfruit (often compared with chewing gum) and seitan (don’t ask) for meat and cheese.

Say this for owner/chef Jeremy Dean’s heretical heroes, which are priced from $8 to $14: the fresh bread from Brooklyn bakery Caputo’s whips the dry, dreary corner-deli article.

But “plant-based comfort food” ranged from barely tolerable to intolerable. The various elements left so much clinging goop in my mouth that I couldn’t wait to wash it down with Yoo-Hoo, which at least claims “it will always stay fresh.”

The SEC, or “sausage, egg and cheese,” was as nasty on the tongue as its scary orange-yellow hues were on the eyes.

The chopped cheese number, “our best seller” Dean said, was made with “impossible ‘ground beef.’ ” I had no idea what it was, but it mingled well with equally mysterious “cheese” sauce, egg-free “veganaise” and lettuce and tomato. Its mushy-here, crunchy-there mouthfeel evoked genuine 1 a.m. bodega desperation.

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