My girlfriend and I both want a threesome but can't agree who it should be with

DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend and I both want a threesome with another man in a hotel now they are reopening but we can’t agree whether to invite a friend of mine or a stranger.

I am a 29-year-old man and have been with my girlfriend for three years. She is also 29 and we get on brilliantly.


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We are both really adventurous in the bedroom and love to experi­ment.

We have filmed ourselves making love, indulged in a little bondage and enjoy having sex outdoors.

So having a threesome feels like the next natural step.

We talked through the scenario we want to act out and only need to finalise the crucial detail of who should be the third person.

Our fantasy starts when she meets a man at the hotel bar, flirts outrageously, then beckons me over and I join them.

All three of us go upstairs to our hotel room where we have more drinks. She undresses herself, then him and finally me.

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She gives him oral pleasure while I watch, then I join in and have sex with her.

I love the idea of having sex with her while watching her with another man — not because I want to be with another man, more I want her to experience this level of satisfaction.

The only problem is she wants the third person to be a complete stranger, while I would like it to be a friend of mine.

I want my friend, as I feel I can trust him not to let things get out of hand with her.

She says it’s better to have a stranger involved, someone who isn’t a part of our lives.

Now I’m concerned. Does she mean she fancies my friend and is worried about falling for him?

He is really good-looking and looks after his fitness. Does she think she and he might cross a line if they got together?

DEIDRE SAYS: The question of who your guest should be has already nudged your insecurities, so please think carefully about your next steps.

Whoever you invite, you would be welcoming an unknown quantity into your relationship.

Having sex – such an intimate act – can often lead to uncontrollable emotions becoming a reality and ultimately people get hurt.

It’s great you and your girlfriend have an adventurous sex life – and you can continue to enjoy this.

Perhaps talking about your fantasy will be enough of a turn-on for both of you because the reality of threesomes is they can be awkward and messy, both physically and emotionally.

I am sending you my support pack Thinking Of A Threesome to help you really think this through.

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