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DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE been having hot sex with a colleague. Her partner has left and she wants to be with me. But I can’t do that to my wife . . . can I?
I’m a man of 31. My wife is 32 and a midwife, working long shifts. I get bored pretty easily when she’s not around.
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I work in sales, from home since the start of lockdown. Business went very quiet. When my wife was out working, I’d spend my time looking at emails then chatting to mates or playing games with them online.
I also had the worry of my dad being diagnosed with dementia so, all in all, I was fed up.
Our PR lady arranged a Zoom call with me about how we could increase our client-base and it became a weekly brainstorming session. She’s 33 and very pretty.
She has a little boy aged five who was often around for our calls. Our work conversations got quite personal and I could feel we were getting closer.
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When her son went back to school she came over to my house to discuss tactics. We sat in my garden and didn’t get much work done.
Soon we were flirting outrageously. I kissed her — and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We had sex on my dining room table. It was incredible.
My wife has been doing longer shifts and with the PPE she’s been wearing, it has taken its toll on her. She comes home exhausted.
Our sex life has taken a nose-dive and being with this colleague felt off the scale. I didn’t feel guilty. We keep meeting one another and now she has told me her partner has left and she wants to be with me.
I do love my wife, though. I don’t want to let either of these women down.
DEIDRE SAYS: You will have to hurt one of them and the obvious person is your lover.
It was reckless to start cheating rather than talking to your wife about the rift growing between you – plus you have risked spreading Covid-19.
Tell your lover you don’t want to hurt her but this relationship must end so you can focus on your marriage.
Admit to your wife you have been neglecting her and ask how you can strengthen your marriage. If the main problem is a flagging sex life, set your alarm a bit earlier in the morning to have sex before your wife starts her day, or send her love messages and texts during her shifts so she is fired up for a quickie before sleep.
My e-leaflets on Cheating and Fifty Ways To Add Fun To Sex will help you refocus on what is important.
And you can find support for your worries about your father’s diagnosis through Dementia UK (dementiauk.org, 0800 888 6678).
My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex can help you stop straying. And of course, cheating risks transmitting Covid too.
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