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We all have private thoughts — it’s part of being human. But when you’re in a serious relationship, sometimes it feels like you’re not only finishing each other’s sentences, but reading each other’s minds, too. However, this may not be the case for everyone who’s partnered up. It’s possible that your SO can never tell when you’re upset.
Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves, and some definitely don’t. When you’re upset, your body language may change a bit, or you might be a little less chatty than usual. When things get serious with bae, you might wonder why they haven’t been picking up on your vibe. DW — if your SO can never tell when you’re in a funk, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship is doomed!
I checked in with a relationship expert to help me understand what the implications are when your partner doesn’t know when you’re upset. According to Dr. Jane Greer, New York-based relationship expert and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship, it could be bad news for your relationship, but not because your significant other can’t read you. "If you’re not expressing your hurt and anger, and [not] dealing with the issues and making changes, you are likely to grow resentful." Resentment can be really toxic for relationships, especially when you pile it onto the reason you were upset in the first place.
Dr. Greer adds that when resentment builds up in a relationship, "over time, it may become the only option to end it." If you’re partner can never tell when you’re sad, salty, or emotionally drained, it might mean you’re having trouble connecting. On the other hand, you may just need to work on your communication.
Before you decide to throw in the towel, think about why your SO might not be able to tell when you’re upset. Dr. Greer says it’s possible that "you may be hiding your feelings and not being open and honest about what’s upsetting you or making you angry." So, before assuming your partner just doesn’t get you, self-reflect and consider whether you could be holding onto a super tightly closed book.
There are many reasons why you might avoid sharing how you feel with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Dr. Greer recommends asking yourself why this might be. "Is it because you’re afraid it will lead to an argument? Do you feel uncomfortable being so vulnerable?" Remember that it’s OK to show a little emotion and communicate vocally when you’re upset. Vulnerability is a good thing when it comes to serious relationships.
"If they don’t know how you feel, they won’t be able to relate to your distress. It will only build up," Dr. Greer tells Elite Daily. Even if you feel really close to your SO, keep in mind that they’re still not a mind reader — no one is. Taking it out on them for not being able to tell when you’re upset without having a conversation first could be a recipe for disaster. "Eventually, this will lead to difficulties and distance" in your relationship.
Maybe your best friends can always tell when you’re sad, mad, exhausted, or hangry, but that doesn’t mean your SO will (or should) always pick up the on same nonverbal cues from you. Believe it or not, communication goes a long way, and when you’re upset, talking things out with your partner is a definitely a good place to start.
Sometimes, it’s hard to avoid being passive-aggressive, especially when you’ve had a rough day. But to your significant other, your quiet demeanor or short responses might just make them think you’re tired or distracted. So, when you’re upset, but your SO isn’t picking up on your #mood, will your relationship be OK? That’s really up for you to decide, but communication is key for mending the rocky road with your bae.
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