LET'S be honest – we have a hard enough time keeping the inside of our home tidy that we rarely give the exterior a second…
We all know at least one strange celebrity baby name. Remember Frank Zappa’s kids? Moon Unit? Diva Muffin? Yikes. Now the Kardashian’s are coming up with questionable names, from Stormi and North, to True. Yes, they’re unique. But is it in a good way? Well, that’s up for interpretation.
What’s up with celebrities giving their kids strange names anyway? It’s as if they think they’re God’s gift, and their kids have to reflect how artistic and special they are. Everyone believes that their kid is a perfect angel sent from above. But that certainly doesn’t mean we need to name our kids things like “Heiress.” I’m looking at you Tiny and TI.
Most of the kids will most likely pull a Zowie Bowie, and change their name to something more traditional at some point. And I can’t say I blame them! I know I definitely would! These are just awful. People seem to forget that their kids are not pets or art projects. They’re separate human beings who deserve a reasonable name that won’t cause ridicule. You don’t need to prove how special and unique you are by giving your kids names like Petal Blossom Rainbow. That’s just pure craziness.
15 Moxie Crimefighter
Moxie Crimefighter is the daughter of Penn Jillette and Emily Zolten. Back in 2007, Penn explained why he and his wife chose her name, and it basically sounds like he’s given her the worst name ever because he grew up with a unique name himself.
“I think it’s pretty cruel to give a kid a name that others are going to have. I think it’s very important to have a unique name within any group you’re likely to be in.
It’s more friendly to go to school being the only ‘Penn’ then to have to be called by your full name, ‘Mike Jones’ or whatever. I always felt sorry for the Mikes and Bobs. There’s just so many, how do you know when they’re talking to you?” Her middle name is purely a joke. Emily Zolten thinks middle names are stupid and pointless, so they thought it would be funny to give her the middle name: Crimefighter, joking that it would be funny if she ever gets pulled over in the future.
14 Heiress Harris
TI and Tiny were criticized for naming their daughter Heiress Harris from the get go. They were offended, naturally, and called in to The Ryan Cameron Morning Show With Wanda Smith to get their message out. Tiny said, “I think a lot of people don’t know how to pronounce it. It’s Heiress Diana Harris, my middle name is Diane and I just changed it to Diana and I felt like it was a royalty name that went with Heiress and it also represents me.”
I don’t know about you, but I know how to pronounce Heiress, and it doesn’t make the situation any better. It’s still just a flat out awful name. I’ll give them one thing though – she sure is one cute baby!
13 Apple Martin
Oh Apple, you poor, sweet girl. What were Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin thinking? Well, apparently Chris’s booking agent, Marty Diamond has a child named Apple, and they asked permission to use the name should they have a girl. I suppose they just genuinely liked the name — Martin did, at least. Paltrow claims that he was the reason they decided upon that name.
According to Paltrow in an interview with Howard Stern in 2015, her daughter “loves” her name. Who knows though. I mean, I’m sure she’s certainly used to it at this point. Apple is now thirteen years old. I’m just glad they have no control over my kid’s names. I shudder at the thought of what other wacky names they could burden people with.
12 Pilot Inspektor
Beth Riesgraf and Jason Lee (the guy from My Name Is Earl) named their son Pilot Inspektor. In 2005, Lee told Entertainment Weekly that they were inspired by the opening track on Grandaddy’s album, The Sophtware Slump, “He’s Simple, He’s Dumb, He’s The Pilot”. Now, I don’t know what in the world that means, but it certainly touched Jason Lee.
He said it “absolutely blew [his] mind when [he] first heard it.” His wife helped him come up with the name Pilot, but we’re still unsure of how “Inspektor” came into play.
Who knows. Let’s just hope Pilot loves his name as much as his wacky parents do. I wonder if he’ll love Grandaddy as much as his father does.
11 Strummer Newcomb Cook
Ten Things I Hate About You star Julia Stiles became a first-time mom this past October. They picked out the name “Strummer” just a month before he was born, and Stiles and her husband, Preston J. Cook revealed that their parents disliked the name.
“They’ll get over it” they said.
They’re going to have to, because whether they liked it or not, the couple moved forward and named their baby son Strummer Newcomb Cook. It’s not the strangest name in the world, but it’s definitely unique. All it does is remind me of the verb, “strum,” as in “strumming a guitar”. If Strummer grows up to be a musician, he has a lot of bad jokes coming his way unless he changes his name.
10 Bluebell Madonna
Former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell chose this unique name for her daughter. Bluebell Madonna is now eleven years old, and has a little brother named Monty. Not the most common name in the world, but it is, in fact, a name. It seems like Bluebell got the short end of the stick. She’s a beautiful and bright little girl, and I would be surprised if she continued to be called Bluebell for the rest of her life. The first thing that pops into my head when I hear that word is “cow.” No one wants to be associated with cows.
Geri said she came up with the idea for the name when her mother told her the bluebell flower is becoming increasingly rare.
She thought it would fit her beautiful daughter perfectly. While that’s true, I’m still not a fan of the name.
9 Denim Braxton
Denim Cole Braxton is now 16 years old, and he has a sibling named Diesel. Why Toni Braxton, why? Well, according to her, they planned on naming him Denham, but when the nurse referred to their baby as DenHAM, they decided to change the spelling to fit what they had envisioned. She also said,
“I think names can define you. I think it’s important that kids have their own identity, and I think this is a decade of having freedom.”
Again, I’m not sure what’s up with celebrities putting such heavy importance on the names of their children, but it isn’t that serious you guys. What you name your children does matter, but not to this extent. It doesn’t really define anything. That’s what actions and character are for.
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8 Huckleberry Gryllis
Bear Grylls and his wife, Shara, have three beautiful boys named Jesse, Marmaduke, and Huckleberry. Eek. It’s as if they’ve descended into weird-name territory slowly over the years. Jesse? Perfectly normal. Marmaduke? Um, okay, I guess. Huckleberry? Why? They haven’t really explained why they chose such an interesting name for their youngest son. The only thing Bear has said in response is,
“Jesse, Duke, and Huck! Won’t that be great when they’re 18?”
If you say so Bear. If you say so. They sure are cute kids, so if anyone can get away with a name like Marmaduke or Huckleberry, it would certainly be them. We’re willing to bet that they’ll choose a different name once they grow up.
7 River Rocket
Jamie Oliver and his wife, Jools, have a long history of giving their kids strange names. Daisy Boo, Poppy Honey, Petal Blossom Rainbow, and another that you’ll see further down this list. I’ll keep it as a surprise. Their youngest son is named River Rocket. Yikes.
Their explanation for the strange name? “We think it suits him.” Honestly, I couldn’t disagree more. I mean, look how cute that baby is! All I can think about is the bullying and name calling that will follow him and his siblings until they grow up and change their names. At least they’re not alone, right? They can vent to each other about how awful it is growing up with a flat-out bad name.
6 Blue Ivy
Yeah, unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know who Blue Ivy is. She’s Jay-Z and Beyonce’s darling daughter. Apparently Bey was inspired by a passage from Rebecca Solnit’s novel, A Field Guide To Getting Lost. The passage reads:
“The world is blue at its edges and in its depths…the blue at the farthest reaches of the places where you see for miles, the blue of distance. This light does not touch us, does not travel the whole distance, the light that gets lost, gives us the beauty of the world, so much of which is in the color blue.”
Okay, I’ll admit I’ve never been one for cryptic poetry, but seriously. What in the world? It’s beautifully written, but was it really worthy of naming your daughter after? Why not just name an album after the passage, instead of your child?
5 Ruby Sweetheart
Ruby is a beautiful, unique name. And not unique in a bad way, either. It truly is a nice name. It’s the “Sweetheart” part that’s tripping people up. According to Tobey Maguire and his wife, her middle name was meant to honor Jennifer Meyer’s late grandmother, who died a few months before Ruby was born.
Apparently it was a nickname given to Meyer by her grandma as a child.
Is it really a nickname though? It’s a common pet name. It’s sweet that they’re honoring her, but I have a feeling she wouldn’t have agreed to the name. Why not just give Ruby her great grandmother’s first name as a middle name? Oh right, it’s a celebrity thing.
4 Elsie Otter
Like many celebs, Zooey Deschanel decided to have a little fun when it came to naming her daughter. During an interview with Ellen, she was asked if “Otter” was a family name, to which she replied,
“[It’s a family name] in the sense that we’re all mammals. Elsie is kind of a classic name and then we were like the middle name can be a little bit wild. We both found that we had a mutual love for otters.”
It’s interesting, to say the least. My husband and I both like chickens, but I certainly wouldn’t pick that as a middle name. Either way, Zooey is just so cute that she can get away with just about anything, including naming her daughter Elsie Otter. Maybe they’ll even write a book about an otter named Elsie. I could definitely see that. And yes, I would buy it.
When Nicolas Cage and his wife Alice Kim found out they were expecting, they had an extremely difficult time coming up with a suitable name. They couldn’t seem to agree on anything. So what did they do? They named him Kal-El, which Superman’s real name on the planet Krypton. Nicolas said,
“My wife wanted a unique name and originally I thought of the name Kyle and then she said, ‘No, something more unusual but beautiful.’ Then I remembered the old Superman comics and Kal-El was his original name on Krypton.
So I wanted a name that stood for something good, was unique and American and that’s all three. I just thought it was a beautiful name and it had kind of a magical ring to it.” That poor kid. He’s already suffered the whole, “It’s a bird, it’s a plane” joke about 200 times by now.
2 Audio Science Clayton
Yes, you read that correctly — Audio Science. Shannyn Sossamon, star from 40 Days and 40 Nights, named her son Audio Science. She said,
“We wanted a word not a name, so my boyfriend read through the dictionary three or four times. We were going to call him Science, but thought it might get shortened to Sci, as in Simon.”
Well, wouldn’t that just be the worst? You certainly don’t want people trying to call your son by a regular name. This one is just flat out bad. It’s almost as if they want their son to be ridiculed by his peers. His sibling’s name is Mortimer. Thank goodness Audio Science is already 14 years old. He can change his name soon enough.
1 Buddy Bear Maurice
Buddy Bear Maurice is another child who will be tormented for years to come because of his parent’s poor decision making skills. Remember River Rocket, from above? Yeah, River Rocket is Buddy Bear’s big brother.
Jools Oliver is a tad defensive when it comes to her kids names. She says it’s no one’s business and she hates when people give their opinion on it. And while that’s technically true, she should have seen this coming. I mean, come on. While she’s allowed to name her kids things like Daisy Boo, Petal Rainbow, and Buddy Bear, we’re allowed to have our own opinion on it. And unless you’re a five-year-old little girl, chances are you’re not going to like those names. Buddy Bear is now seven years old, so he still has quite a while to go until he can change his name.
References: People.com aol.com dailymail.co.uk babycenter.com
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